The Toughest Breakup Of My Life

I have been in a few relationships, all of which I've seen come to an end (good thing it was only a few!). But there was just one that was really tough for me...  

I started down the road to commitment, faithfulness, devotion and dedication to all of the things that are expected in a relationship. I promised to always make this person a priority. And I promised to always look out for this person even if it meant neglecting other things or people in my life who seemed to be deemed a priority, too. I told this person that no matter what, I would be there and they could always count on me to never leave their side. But don't get me wrong, I had standards and I had boundaries. Although I didn't have a clear enough mind to enforce it, there were certain things that I wouldn't allow this person to do or say. I would maintain a certain level of integrity in dealing with certain things this person might try, but I tried my best to make this person happy. And even in this, this person failed me... 

This person would sometimes forsake everything they promised to do. This person didn't value me as much as I knew someone else could. This person deserted me just when I needed them most. And out of all that I tried to do, it seemed as though things just wouldn't...couldn't...shouldn't work out. I would go out of my way to try to make this person love me the way that they should but all of my efforts failed.  

So, I took a stand one day and decided that enough was enough. I decided I needed something different. Something new. Someone who would make me feel wanted, unconditionally loved and appreciated. Someone who would not only challenge me but would steer me in the path of the things and challenges that would grow me. I needed someone who knew firsthand what it was to love unconditionally. I needed to allow someone in my life who knew more about me than I will ever know about myself. Someone who promised to never leave nor forsake me and someone who would never break that promise even if I tried to broke our bond. This was the day I broke up with myself and started a real relationship with Christ. This was the day that I began a journey towards taking on God's love and He began to show me how to love myself. And not only that, He showed me myself for who I really was and began to grow me into who I should become in Him. Because of this relationship, I have learned to live true to God, myself and those around me. I have learned to love better, and I am able to properly judge how to appropriate this love. He doesn't ask me to choose between Him, my dreams and goals and the people in my life. He directs me in my dreams and aspirations, and He shows me the needs of the people in my life and guides me on how to make each one a priority without neglecting a single one of them.  

The relationship I had with myself wasn't supposed to work out because I can't be to myself who God has been, is being and will always be to me. I was trying to do something out of the scope of my abilities- I was trying to be a god to myself when I should've been allowing the God who created me to just be who He wanted to be in me. But I'm glad I woke up and began to see that even with my BEST efforts, I would always fail myself because I didn't have the fail-proof answer in my life. And even though letting go of my inflated sense of confidence in myself to sustain my life was very difficult, it is now harder for me to let go of the One who has saved me from myself.  

I now have the most trusted relationship anyone can have and that's because I let go of the most destructive person anyone can encounter. I let go of me- the person that keeps me distant from God. I let go of wanting to please Brittany and I began to want to please God. I let go of wanting to chase the tangible to fill the void of the intangible. I let go of wanting to be the person I saw myself to be and began to see myself through God's eyes. I let go of wanting to live my life on the stage of others and took a stand on God's stage so that He could be my audience. 
There is something inside of all of us that makes us want to stay who we are because we become proud of ourselves within ourselves. But we have to be willing to decrease so that God can increase in our lives. Just like in any toxic relationship, you have to be willing to walk away from who you are before it destroys who you can become. We can't stay the same. We have to be different. If we want the people, the things and the world around us to be different, we have to acknowledge that we CANNOT stay the same. And the only way to do this is that we have Christ in us to make us different. If staying committed to being the same old you isn't working, try giving someone else a chance. Give God a chance. After all, His grace never runs out and He has given and still gives us plenty of chances if we confess our faults to Him. 

I know from experience how life changing a relationship with Christ can be. And now that I have Him, I wouldn't trade Him for the world. My life has taken on a whole new meaning and purpose. And now I can live out this purpose for myself and others around me so that they can see that breaking up with yourself and falling in love with Jesus Christ is the best thing you can ever do. 


Be Blessed, 

Brittany D.

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